I’ll forever remember those shirt soaking tears,
how they carved canyons filled by nothingness and fears.
Dark days of wander, forever asking why,
losing faith and all it’s color, buried by cloudy skies.
Looking up and praying, life in unsteady sway,
something revived my heart’s cadence, by cutting through the grey.
It’s light was sharp and vivid, brightened the night’s sky,
though living a mere moment’s grace, forever where it lie.
She had my hand in hers that night, driving in her car,
little did she know, she’d also stole my heart.
I made a wish that night, and she had no idea.
It was casual and soft, but nonetheless more real.
Hunger never consumed soul, in this burning way
Grant my wish dear falling star and let her forever stay…
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Marxism in the age of singularity..
Marxism is such an abused theory in our current society. You have your conservatives that refuse it's possible implementation, and the revolutionary radicals that force it down everyone's throat. I disagree with both avoiding staunch denials and radical validation, and try to establish truth through fact.
Communism is a very plausible platform, provided scarcity becomes extinct. In this current day of depleted resources the existence of communism is impossible. Humanity is the volatile variable that prevents the concept of utopia. Ergo, individuals that cite failed examples of the platform such as North Korea, capitalistically evolving China, or the fallen Soviet Union are siting corrupted examples. Following the Marxist theory, you cannot force communism upon a society, society forces communism upon itself.
Now apply the theory of technological singularity. The possibilities of this theory are endless, but it seems to attack the largest problem ailing humanity... Scarcity. Death, fossil fuel, hunger, and war are all on the proverbial chopping block. Provided we overcome this obstacle, the idea of communism becomes a valid option in regards to our existence.
Weird thoughts, just thought I would share...
-^-Pulse
Communism is a very plausible platform, provided scarcity becomes extinct. In this current day of depleted resources the existence of communism is impossible. Humanity is the volatile variable that prevents the concept of utopia. Ergo, individuals that cite failed examples of the platform such as North Korea, capitalistically evolving China, or the fallen Soviet Union are siting corrupted examples. Following the Marxist theory, you cannot force communism upon a society, society forces communism upon itself.
Now apply the theory of technological singularity. The possibilities of this theory are endless, but it seems to attack the largest problem ailing humanity... Scarcity. Death, fossil fuel, hunger, and war are all on the proverbial chopping block. Provided we overcome this obstacle, the idea of communism becomes a valid option in regards to our existence.
Weird thoughts, just thought I would share...
-^-Pulse
Friday, May 27, 2011
Veteran Perspective...
I will forever be disconnected from the men and women that walk the civilian life. It's not a matter of them being lesser individuals, or me being better than they are because of my service... The void between myself and them is a matter of perspective... I’ll attempt to explain…
Take life in general... It's a fucked up mess of highs and lows... A roller coaster of complicated intricacies that we're all blessed and burdened by.... However, the complications experienced by vets are two fold... The have to adjust in order to take on this normality. So breaking it down, we have to digest what normalcy is, find the middle ground, and adapt accordingly. Here’s were shit gets sketchy….
My combat experience was light... A few bombs here... A few threats there... A lot of ass-puckering vulnerable situations in between... We traveled light, we traveled often, and we traveled to areas populated by people who would have killed us, if the consequences of doing so would not bring more of us to that area... That was the basis of our survival at times... If you kill it, more will come... I guess they didn't want that field of dreams... Just the possibility of someone getting brave was always nipping at the back of your mind... I guess this would be my only burden of PTSD, but in comparison to others... it's infinitesimal and boarder-line “chicken-shit”.
I survived quite well with my mindset. I took all bullshit, and put it aside, only adhering to the essentials; awareness of self, others, and my environment… Everything had a “what if” contingency plan as if I were mentally petting the “trigger” every second of the day... The “civilian perspective” would probably assume these situations to be very stressful, but in actuality things were quite simple. I was comfortable in these uncomfortable situations, because in a world of grey, I always had a plan. Now I don’t live in that element, so it should be easier… Not exactly…
I didn't notice anything until I got out. Then, the variables of my issues spread like fire. Fact is, I see nothing but fucking idiots all around me. Don’t get me wrong, good people lightly pepper our population, but the ratio is fucking depressing. People don’t respect one another, everyone has a sense of entitlement, and there are no standards. I could go on for fucking days. I even questioned my best friends at times…I tried to mesh at first, but it was inevitable that I would eventually lose it… Instead of doing so, I just sink back into what I know… Why should I have to adjust to this? Where is the middle ground in this fucking hurricane of perpetual ignorance? I just center my life on those that I care about. Anyone else is a distraction.
It gets lonely being a recluse, but like I said before I’d rather be to myself than around people I don’t understand... I’d say that the most discomfort I get is related to people’s perception of veterans, as if we need coddling, or special attention. People, you don’t have to hold our fucking hands through some transitional phase… We’re perfectly fucking capable of adapting to the shittiest situation this world has to fucking over, but when it comes to our own society, we baulk not because we can’t, but because we don’t want to… Our reasoning is quite logical, and I don’t know why people see it as a need for help?
I have to touch on something that is of concern, and it pertains to the individuals who NEED the help. I have a friend that fits this category of veteran… He downs a bottle of wild turkey every time I see him, and finds comfort in drowning his demons with drink. He received more information about the VFW having cheap booze, than the Veterans Affairs affording him healthcare… In fact we were both fed misinformation about our VA medical care. We were both told by ACAP that the VA medical was for those with disability only… Fuckin asses… He ended up going because three of the brits he had been deployed with, that slept in the neighboring hooch, came down with an aggressive cancer caused by the satcom equipment they were running… The last time I talked to my friend, the results of his treatment were less than comforting…
Then there is the monster of which all Veterans loathe. The Veterans Affair’s healthcare system; the bureaucracy of less than mediocrity… The doctors have the worst turn over rate I’ve ever seen... Important things fall through the cracks, like appointments being canceled at the last moment, forgotten prescription refills, and admissions is never on your side… If I have an issue, calling is probably the worst way to get things done. You will have to listen to a full skit pushing the “veteran suicide assistance hotline”, pick an option, and then eventually after 10 minutes of automated gibberish, leave a message that never gets heard or you get dropped. You eventually repeat the process, listening to the “hotline” skit 7 or 8 times, exhausting every option, only to be dropped or ignored… I actually feel suicidal afterwards… Then, I think of people that are worse off than I… No wonder suicide is so prevalent amongst veterans…
When we get down to the brass tax, Veterans are the strongest individuals to walk this earth. Maybe this is due to our perception of life, and how truly precious it is, or our perception of the other side being around every corner, knowing that every each second could be our last. Finding comfort in death isn’t so crazy, because in the big sleep, there are no nightmares, no more pain, and the friends that left you are there to welcome you… I guess you’d understand if you lost any of those friends. If you’re close to a Veteran, and are concerned about him/her, leave little veteran assistance pamphlets around. There are a lot of veteran clubs and associations not affiliated with VA, where your partner can associate with his kind… When he takes this step, the veterans there will give him all the therapy he/she needs, and if things are truly dire, will carry his/her ass to help.
I hope you didn’t get too lost in this rant…
-^-Pulse
Take life in general... It's a fucked up mess of highs and lows... A roller coaster of complicated intricacies that we're all blessed and burdened by.... However, the complications experienced by vets are two fold... The have to adjust in order to take on this normality. So breaking it down, we have to digest what normalcy is, find the middle ground, and adapt accordingly. Here’s were shit gets sketchy….
My combat experience was light... A few bombs here... A few threats there... A lot of ass-puckering vulnerable situations in between... We traveled light, we traveled often, and we traveled to areas populated by people who would have killed us, if the consequences of doing so would not bring more of us to that area... That was the basis of our survival at times... If you kill it, more will come... I guess they didn't want that field of dreams... Just the possibility of someone getting brave was always nipping at the back of your mind... I guess this would be my only burden of PTSD, but in comparison to others... it's infinitesimal and boarder-line “chicken-shit”.
I survived quite well with my mindset. I took all bullshit, and put it aside, only adhering to the essentials; awareness of self, others, and my environment… Everything had a “what if” contingency plan as if I were mentally petting the “trigger” every second of the day... The “civilian perspective” would probably assume these situations to be very stressful, but in actuality things were quite simple. I was comfortable in these uncomfortable situations, because in a world of grey, I always had a plan. Now I don’t live in that element, so it should be easier… Not exactly…
I didn't notice anything until I got out. Then, the variables of my issues spread like fire. Fact is, I see nothing but fucking idiots all around me. Don’t get me wrong, good people lightly pepper our population, but the ratio is fucking depressing. People don’t respect one another, everyone has a sense of entitlement, and there are no standards. I could go on for fucking days. I even questioned my best friends at times…I tried to mesh at first, but it was inevitable that I would eventually lose it… Instead of doing so, I just sink back into what I know… Why should I have to adjust to this? Where is the middle ground in this fucking hurricane of perpetual ignorance? I just center my life on those that I care about. Anyone else is a distraction.
It gets lonely being a recluse, but like I said before I’d rather be to myself than around people I don’t understand... I’d say that the most discomfort I get is related to people’s perception of veterans, as if we need coddling, or special attention. People, you don’t have to hold our fucking hands through some transitional phase… We’re perfectly fucking capable of adapting to the shittiest situation this world has to fucking over, but when it comes to our own society, we baulk not because we can’t, but because we don’t want to… Our reasoning is quite logical, and I don’t know why people see it as a need for help?
I have to touch on something that is of concern, and it pertains to the individuals who NEED the help. I have a friend that fits this category of veteran… He downs a bottle of wild turkey every time I see him, and finds comfort in drowning his demons with drink. He received more information about the VFW having cheap booze, than the Veterans Affairs affording him healthcare… In fact we were both fed misinformation about our VA medical care. We were both told by ACAP that the VA medical was for those with disability only… Fuckin asses… He ended up going because three of the brits he had been deployed with, that slept in the neighboring hooch, came down with an aggressive cancer caused by the satcom equipment they were running… The last time I talked to my friend, the results of his treatment were less than comforting…
Then there is the monster of which all Veterans loathe. The Veterans Affair’s healthcare system; the bureaucracy of less than mediocrity… The doctors have the worst turn over rate I’ve ever seen... Important things fall through the cracks, like appointments being canceled at the last moment, forgotten prescription refills, and admissions is never on your side… If I have an issue, calling is probably the worst way to get things done. You will have to listen to a full skit pushing the “veteran suicide assistance hotline”, pick an option, and then eventually after 10 minutes of automated gibberish, leave a message that never gets heard or you get dropped. You eventually repeat the process, listening to the “hotline” skit 7 or 8 times, exhausting every option, only to be dropped or ignored… I actually feel suicidal afterwards… Then, I think of people that are worse off than I… No wonder suicide is so prevalent amongst veterans…
When we get down to the brass tax, Veterans are the strongest individuals to walk this earth. Maybe this is due to our perception of life, and how truly precious it is, or our perception of the other side being around every corner, knowing that every each second could be our last. Finding comfort in death isn’t so crazy, because in the big sleep, there are no nightmares, no more pain, and the friends that left you are there to welcome you… I guess you’d understand if you lost any of those friends. If you’re close to a Veteran, and are concerned about him/her, leave little veteran assistance pamphlets around. There are a lot of veteran clubs and associations not affiliated with VA, where your partner can associate with his kind… When he takes this step, the veterans there will give him all the therapy he/she needs, and if things are truly dire, will carry his/her ass to help.
I hope you didn’t get too lost in this rant…
-^-Pulse
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Dalmatians...
I have a book I read on the crapper from time to time... A.J. Jacobs: The Know-It-All... It adds depth to my trough of useless knowledge. I'm fascinated by overlooked details, survival techniques, and factoids... I break this retarded shit out from time-to-time just to bring conversations to an awkward plane... I'm wired different, and jump subject habitually, and it's fucking difficult for me to communicate.... Hence, this blog....
Anyway.... About Dalmatians....
Their urine is very similar to humans, because apparently we're the only two mammals that produce uric acid... I don't know if the goons at the lab could tell the difference between the two, but I'm sure the first thing that comes to mind if they see anything out of the ordinary is not the conclusive "IT's DALMATIAN PISS!!!"
So, i guess if you're one of those individuals freaking out over an upcoming drug test... Or you don't want to ask "THAT" favor of someone... there are options... Hell, this could actually prove to be a beneficial tidbit for pet adoption...
-^-Pulse
Anyway.... About Dalmatians....
Their urine is very similar to humans, because apparently we're the only two mammals that produce uric acid... I don't know if the goons at the lab could tell the difference between the two, but I'm sure the first thing that comes to mind if they see anything out of the ordinary is not the conclusive "IT's DALMATIAN PISS!!!"
So, i guess if you're one of those individuals freaking out over an upcoming drug test... Or you don't want to ask "THAT" favor of someone... there are options... Hell, this could actually prove to be a beneficial tidbit for pet adoption...
-^-Pulse
Monday, May 23, 2011
Thank you Ancient Aliens...
I can break out my "Jesus is actually an alien" belief...
Every member of his fan club that hears this oneliner, stops preaching instantly.... It's probably the most legitimate God grenade out there....you could argue it out for days...
Gnar!
-^-Pulse
Every member of his fan club that hears this oneliner, stops preaching instantly.... It's probably the most legitimate God grenade out there....you could argue it out for days...
Gnar!
-^-Pulse
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I couldn't touch this kind of awesomeness with a rocket ship...
We got on a topic at work the other day that left me gasping for air.... Here, I'll play the ending first card...
I was gasping for air...
15 minute earlier...
I was running about 40 lbs. of trim through the grinder when the conversation evolved into something unreal.... Sure, if you're a guy, you're no stranger to the conversation... You know, that list.... The list of 10s you've screwed in the life before monogamy drove a blunt spoon through your happy gizzard... I'm sure every single average looking guy has em hidden in the spank bank, only breaking them out to brag or reminisce... Then... The conversation evolved into the funny stories you'd never share with your current significant other... for example: fucking the preachers daughter durring service, and throwing off the quire hymns with the noise, or the time you screwed the bigger girl in the back of your best friend's Volkswagen, both of you waking up to the warm gaze of his parents burning stare through the back window. There were 3 of us, throwing our hysterical smoke about, then the torch was passed to my boss... It was his turn to tell...
I have to describe my boss in order to correctly recite what was said, because the elements of his personality make it funnier... He's a 40 year old baby-faced, skinny, third-generation italian-american who is very down to earth, quiet, and docile. He rarely gets excited over anything, and has a very laid back, just above monotone, voice that never stresses inflection.... There... we can move on to the grits and gravy...
Boss:
You ever watch a porn? Like a really nasty one where people are doing weird shit? You know, the ones that leave you disturbed instead of turned on? Yeah, well I dated a chick that had a sexual apetite geared toward that weird shit.. Oh, and she was deaf.... (confused grin amongst audience)
She liked to tie me up, and was into S&M; that asphyxiation stuff... I was a sophomore in college, so I had nothing better to do... One saturday night, when the roomies were out partying, she came over... She brought over a leash one of those choke collars... You know?, the ones that have the prong thingys? Well, She tied my hands up to my closet door by the towel hanger, took the rope around the backside of the door and pulled it through underneath, where she tied my feet... She was no spring chicken to the skillset of tying knots, call it her craft, I wasn't goin anywhere... Then she handed me the leash, of which she was attached to.... smeared peanut butter on my balls... and proceeded to lick it off... barking when I tugged the leash with my wrist... The harder I tugged the leash, the more she got into it... She started barking and shit.... not like a real bark... like the fake bark... You know? "Wooof!!! Wooof!!!.. (the audience is lit with anticipation ;)
So, she's garbling on my nuts making these hideous sounds, and then I hear a loud commotion... Shit... My friends were back.... I had to get this girl to fucking stop. So I start off with telling her that my... fuck! SHE'S DEAF!!! So I start tugging on the leash like a mad man... She proceeds to dive deeper into character with the WOOOF!!! WOOF!!! WOOF!!!... I knew I was fucked when shit got quiet outside the door... then i heard the giggling and woof woofing coming from the hallway... by now I'm having a fucking heart attack trying to get this psycho to stop, but the harder I tried the worse she got.... then the knob started jiggling... shit... shit... The door was locked... shit, they found a way to open it... Next thing I know they busted through the door, starring in horrifying silence, and wtf grins... My girlfriend's face came out of my crotch looking like she just had her first birthday cake all over again........
...... Not one of my proudest moments....
From then on out my buddies would always start woof woofing before knocking on my door...
I was gasping for air....
- too good not to share...
-^-Pulse
I was gasping for air...
15 minute earlier...
I was running about 40 lbs. of trim through the grinder when the conversation evolved into something unreal.... Sure, if you're a guy, you're no stranger to the conversation... You know, that list.... The list of 10s you've screwed in the life before monogamy drove a blunt spoon through your happy gizzard... I'm sure every single average looking guy has em hidden in the spank bank, only breaking them out to brag or reminisce... Then... The conversation evolved into the funny stories you'd never share with your current significant other... for example: fucking the preachers daughter durring service, and throwing off the quire hymns with the noise, or the time you screwed the bigger girl in the back of your best friend's Volkswagen, both of you waking up to the warm gaze of his parents burning stare through the back window. There were 3 of us, throwing our hysterical smoke about, then the torch was passed to my boss... It was his turn to tell...
I have to describe my boss in order to correctly recite what was said, because the elements of his personality make it funnier... He's a 40 year old baby-faced, skinny, third-generation italian-american who is very down to earth, quiet, and docile. He rarely gets excited over anything, and has a very laid back, just above monotone, voice that never stresses inflection.... There... we can move on to the grits and gravy...
Boss:
You ever watch a porn? Like a really nasty one where people are doing weird shit? You know, the ones that leave you disturbed instead of turned on? Yeah, well I dated a chick that had a sexual apetite geared toward that weird shit.. Oh, and she was deaf.... (confused grin amongst audience)
She liked to tie me up, and was into S&M; that asphyxiation stuff... I was a sophomore in college, so I had nothing better to do... One saturday night, when the roomies were out partying, she came over... She brought over a leash one of those choke collars... You know?, the ones that have the prong thingys? Well, She tied my hands up to my closet door by the towel hanger, took the rope around the backside of the door and pulled it through underneath, where she tied my feet... She was no spring chicken to the skillset of tying knots, call it her craft, I wasn't goin anywhere... Then she handed me the leash, of which she was attached to.... smeared peanut butter on my balls... and proceeded to lick it off... barking when I tugged the leash with my wrist... The harder I tugged the leash, the more she got into it... She started barking and shit.... not like a real bark... like the fake bark... You know? "Wooof!!! Wooof!!!.. (the audience is lit with anticipation ;)
So, she's garbling on my nuts making these hideous sounds, and then I hear a loud commotion... Shit... My friends were back.... I had to get this girl to fucking stop. So I start off with telling her that my... fuck! SHE'S DEAF!!! So I start tugging on the leash like a mad man... She proceeds to dive deeper into character with the WOOOF!!! WOOF!!! WOOF!!!... I knew I was fucked when shit got quiet outside the door... then i heard the giggling and woof woofing coming from the hallway... by now I'm having a fucking heart attack trying to get this psycho to stop, but the harder I tried the worse she got.... then the knob started jiggling... shit... shit... The door was locked... shit, they found a way to open it... Next thing I know they busted through the door, starring in horrifying silence, and wtf grins... My girlfriend's face came out of my crotch looking like she just had her first birthday cake all over again........
...... Not one of my proudest moments....
From then on out my buddies would always start woof woofing before knocking on my door...
I was gasping for air....
- too good not to share...
-^-Pulse
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I never got the chance...
The wind howls a cruel song, and the shadows creep about.
The sun burns into cancer, and the sky weeps away the drought.
I gaze upon the dreams that will never come to be.
They are left as nightmares that will never set me free.
My mind is restless creature, my anger only satisfied by immeasurable rage.
No matter how much strength I have I could never turn this page
I am left drowning in a chapter where all I see is my own face
There were three, now two, and now one heart begins to race....
Oh God!!! Why is this happening to me?
All I wanted was a good life for my son to grow up free.
I will walk this path alone. My soul a prisoner of shame.
There was nothing that I could say or do, the ending would have been the same.
I never got the chance to say I love you, that it will be okay...
I never got the chance to kiss your innocent face.
The sun burns into cancer, and the sky weeps away the drought.
I gaze upon the dreams that will never come to be.
They are left as nightmares that will never set me free.
My mind is restless creature, my anger only satisfied by immeasurable rage.
No matter how much strength I have I could never turn this page
I am left drowning in a chapter where all I see is my own face
There were three, now two, and now one heart begins to race....
Oh God!!! Why is this happening to me?
All I wanted was a good life for my son to grow up free.
I will walk this path alone. My soul a prisoner of shame.
There was nothing that I could say or do, the ending would have been the same.
I never got the chance to say I love you, that it will be okay...
I never got the chance to kiss your innocent face.
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