Veteran Perspective...

I will forever be disconnected from the men and women that walk the civilian life. It's not a matter of them being lesser individuals, or me being better than they are because of my service... The void between myself and them is a matter of perspective... I’ll attempt to explain…

Take life in general... It's a fucked up mess of highs and lows... A roller coaster of complicated intricacies that we're all blessed and burdened by.... However, the complications experienced by vets are two fold... The have to adjust in order to take on this normality. So breaking it down, we have to digest what normalcy is, find the middle ground, and adapt accordingly. Here’s were shit gets sketchy….

My combat experience was light... A few bombs here... A few threats there... A lot of ass-puckering vulnerable situations in between... We traveled light, we traveled often, and we traveled to areas populated by people who would have killed us, if the consequences of doing so would not bring more of us to that area... That was the basis of our survival at times... If you kill it, more will come... I guess they didn't want that field of dreams... Just the possibility of someone getting brave was always nipping at the back of your mind... I guess this would be my only burden of PTSD, but in comparison to others... it's infinitesimal and boarder-line “chicken-shit”.

I survived quite well with my mindset. I took all bullshit, and put it aside, only adhering to the essentials; awareness of self, others, and my environment… Everything had a “what if” contingency plan as if I were mentally petting the “trigger” every second of the day... The “civilian perspective” would probably assume these situations to be very stressful, but in actuality things were quite simple. I was comfortable in these uncomfortable situations, because in a world of grey, I always had a plan. Now I don’t live in that element, so it should be easier… Not exactly…

I didn't notice anything until I got out. Then, the variables of my issues spread like fire. Fact is, I see nothing but fucking idiots all around me. Don’t get me wrong, good people lightly pepper our population, but the ratio is fucking depressing. People don’t respect one another, everyone has a sense of entitlement, and there are no standards. I could go on for fucking days. I even questioned my best friends at times…I tried to mesh at first, but it was inevitable that I would eventually lose it… Instead of doing so, I just sink back into what I know… Why should I have to adjust to this? Where is the middle ground in this fucking hurricane of perpetual ignorance? I just center my life on those that I care about. Anyone else is a distraction.

It gets lonely being a recluse, but like I said before I’d rather be to myself than around people I don’t understand... I’d say that the most discomfort I get is related to people’s perception of veterans, as if we need coddling, or special attention. People, you don’t have to hold our fucking hands through some transitional phase… We’re perfectly fucking capable of adapting to the shittiest situation this world has to fucking over, but when it comes to our own society, we baulk not because we can’t, but because we don’t want to… Our reasoning is quite logical, and I don’t know why people see it as a need for help?

I have to touch on something that is of concern, and it pertains to the individuals who NEED the help. I have a friend that fits this category of veteran… He downs a bottle of wild turkey every time I see him, and finds comfort in drowning his demons with drink. He received more information about the VFW having cheap booze, than the Veterans Affairs affording him healthcare… In fact we were both fed misinformation about our VA medical care. We were both told by ACAP that the VA medical was for those with disability only… Fuckin asses… He ended up going because three of the brits he had been deployed with, that slept in the neighboring hooch, came down with an aggressive cancer caused by the satcom equipment they were running… The last time I talked to my friend, the results of his treatment were less than comforting…

Then there is the monster of which all Veterans loathe. The Veterans Affair’s healthcare system; the bureaucracy of less than mediocrity… The doctors have the worst turn over rate I’ve ever seen... Important things fall through the cracks, like appointments being canceled at the last moment, forgotten prescription refills, and admissions is never on your side… If I have an issue, calling is probably the worst way to get things done. You will have to listen to a full skit pushing the “veteran suicide assistance hotline”, pick an option, and then eventually after 10 minutes of automated gibberish, leave a message that never gets heard or you get dropped. You eventually repeat the process, listening to the “hotline” skit 7 or 8 times, exhausting every option, only to be dropped or ignored… I actually feel suicidal afterwards… Then, I think of people that are worse off than I… No wonder suicide is so prevalent amongst veterans…

When we get down to the brass tax, Veterans are the strongest individuals to walk this earth. Maybe this is due to our perception of life, and how truly precious it is, or our perception of the other side being around every corner, knowing that every each second could be our last. Finding comfort in death isn’t so crazy, because in the big sleep, there are no nightmares, no more pain, and the friends that left you are there to welcome you… I guess you’d understand if you lost any of those friends. If you’re close to a Veteran, and are concerned about him/her, leave little veteran assistance pamphlets around. There are a lot of veteran clubs and associations not affiliated with VA, where your partner can associate with his kind… When he takes this step, the veterans there will give him all the therapy he/she needs, and if things are truly dire, will carry his/her ass to help.

I hope you didn’t get too lost in this rant…

-^-Pulse